


electra

by jamesstruttingpotter



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Abandonment, F/M, Felicity-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 03:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3472328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesstruttingpotter/pseuds/jamesstruttingpotter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She can't stop seeing the world as an arena for heartbreak. She supposes she has her father to thank for that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	electra

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the show is neglecting (among a lot of other things) the fact that Felicity's dad left her when she was younger. This is my take on how that would affect her view on some things - namely, relationships.

She dreams of blood.

His lips are warm on her brow. Her eyes are closed, and the comfort that emanates from his body loosens her chest, unravels her stomach. As she takes a deep breath, warmth trickles down the bridge of her nose.

She staggers backward, watching mutely as red gushes from between his teeth. There is distant screaming in the background. One hand rises to her own face and comes away slick with crimson.

When she jolts awake in the darkness, her mother is sitting by her bedside, calloused fingers clutching her own too tightly. “He kissed my forehead,” Felicity pants, sweaty and hoarse and barely fourteen. “He kissed my forehead before leaving for work.”

"Yes, he did," Donna replies, soft. "And then he didn’t come back."

* * *

She starts dating Cooper and puts off relaying the news back home for a month. When he asks, she tells him that dating equals a ring on the finger to her old-fashioned mom, and that’s scary enough to quiet him on the subject.

The excuse still puts a grim smile on her face sometimes. The only thing old-fashioned about Donna Smoak is that she knows how to make one.

Finally, fingers shaking, she hits redial after another guilty goodbye. 

"Felicity? What happened? Did you - "

"I’m dating someone," she interrupts, voice loud as it breaks over the last syllable.

In her mother’s pause, she hears her own anxiety shivering across the phone line.

"That’s good, honey," Donna says, voice even. "It’s about time, don’t you think?"

"Yeah," she replies, gripping the edge of her desk. "Yeah, it’s about time."

"What’s he like?" 

And Felicity describes someone, a man who sounds like Cooper, a man who likes dogs and has brown eyes and drinks coffee with only milk. And when she’s done, she knows that neither she nor Donna believe that these traits really describe the man she is dating. 

_He likes computers,_  she wants to say.  _He has a way of talking that makes me feel like I’m important. He says he likes to make me laugh._

_Mom,_  she wants to say.  _Mom, he would sound like Dad if I weren’t trying._  

* * *

A few months after she moves to Starling, she meets Benjamin. Benjamin wears black oxfords and ironed shirts to work and drinks tea in the mornings. Benjamin uses both floss and mouthwash and makes sure his bookshelves are always well-stocked. Benjamin breaks up with her in the kindest way possible.

"I think I could love you," he says, "but I don’t know if you’d want me to."

"You’re great," she tries, and suddenly it sounds like she’s the one leaving him behind. 

His smile is gentle. “I know. So are you.”

When she tells her mother, Donna sniffs. “I thought he was too soft, anyway.”

Felicity just cradles her head between her hands and thinks of work boots littering a Vegas apartment hallway.

* * *

She comes to the sickening realization that Oliver could be it for her a week after their date.

If the distance between them gets larger after that, neither of them comment on it.

* * *

She is pretty sure that her mother would have a lot to say about the fact that she has kissed Ray Palmer:  _are you doing this because you know he will never be yours? are you doing this because you think feeling unwanted is the same as feeling safe? are you doing this because he has a woman haunting his dreams like you have a man haunting yours?_

_No he doesn’t,_  she’d reply.  _Ray’s mother never left him._

* * *

The foundry’s lights are bright as they frame Oliver’s face, and she thinks for a moment that everything could be alright. He has made her a promise, and the weight of his responsibilities press both of them to remember that it is impossible for him to not return, anyway.

He kisses her forehead and leaves for work.


End file.
